Once upon a time, I was an independent woman who had been on her own since the age of sixteen. My money was “my money” and my life was “my life”. Recently married, we had an interesting start. Because of my past experiences, my reaction to disagreements, especially about money, put me in “fight or flight” mode, mostly “flight”. I would respond, usually to everything, with “I didn’t need you then and I don’t need you now”. As time went on, I began to see the benefits of submission to a man that I now called my husband. Early on in the marriage, I was asked “How can you let a man control you?” when I referred to this verse:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Ephesians 5:22
At the time, I felt ready to explain and defend in my husband in what I thought was an inaccurate statement, but now I realize that I was not. Now, I do feel ready and I hope that person is reading this,understanding how marriage changed me for the better.
First, before our husbands, we are called to submit to the Lord. This means we lay everything at his feet as it says in Mark 14:36, “not what I will, but what thou wilt”. We cannot truly be ready to comprehend what submission to a husband means, until we truly have placed everything in our life, in God’s hands.
Submission to God is saying that I give my marriage, my worries and my child to Him. I am not in control and even if things don’t turn out the way I
demand hope that they will, I will still trust in him. When I truly understood this, I then began to understand what submission to my husband meant.
The world has placed a stigma on the concept of submitting to a husband. They, the world, believe that to submit to a man means that he controls you. In my growth as a Christian and a wife, I have learned that it is the opposite. Like submitting to Christ, submitting to a husband, is the same. Full submission is telling your spouse, “I LOVE YOU”, “I TRUST YOU” and “I RESPECT YOU”. By submission, the leadership role is placed on the husband as head of the family.
Before Kevin and I married, I was terrible with money and lived paycheck to paycheck. After marriage, it was extremely difficult to let go of financial control, even though my life was now better off. In realizing that my security lies in allowing my husband to take care of our finances, I have not had to worry. Soon, I began to realize that the saying “you have to give up control, to gain control” was a real thing. By placing the responsibility of leading our family on my husband, I am giving all of my worries to God and am allowing my husband to be what he is called to be; the leader. This doesn’t mean that I have no say and that everything is controlled by my husband. It means that we are a team, we work together and it is my job to support him, as a leader, in family decisions.
Am I able to do this perfectly? No. But, when I have made a valid effort to support him, I know that I have his respect and feel validated when he thanks me for believing in him. This step towards humility has not only helped me to grow spiritually, but has helped me in every area of life. I truly believe that, without marriage, I would not have been able to grow and fully understand what true submission looks like. It has been an amazing journey that I hope others can experience!